Dsyfunctional Families

Family - Boon or Bane?

That sounds like a stupid title for an article on families, right? I thought so too. But; there's more to this than we can see and that's exactly what I wanna talk about in this article. According to Dom, from the famous movie franchise, 'Fast and Furious', Family is the most important thing in the world BUT multiple schools of thoughts here too. 

Before we dive into the emotions of it all, let us understand what a dysfunctional family looks like. Imagine growing up in a household where you're not given in any private space, there's no respect for boundaries whatsoever, emotional abuse and gaslighting are a part of your daily routine, and at times there's physical violence involved too. Sounds like every other household, right?

Now why is there a need to talk about this topic? Some would agree, some would find this controversial, and some would happily agree but suppress that happiness because of their deep-seated insecurities. Dysfunctional families portray the classic characteristics of neglect, denial of affection, secrecy, mistrust between family members, and ignorance of the child's needs because the parent's wants/needs were given priority. For parents, these needs or wants could be work and career, alcoholism, infidelity, gambling, or a shopping addiction (too bad love can't be bought). 

How does this behavior affect the child? If you're someone who grew up in such a household, you probably suffer from low self-esteem, self-doubt, insecurity, scared, difficulty dating and forming healthy relationships, and Increased risk of having your own dysfunctional family in the future. It makes it difficult for you to open up to your parents about the same because they probably deny any responsibility for the matter at hand or put it on you by saying that whatever they did was for you or because of the circumstances. To a child, this may seem like crap but maybe they don't understand their parent's perspective too? 

This is an obviously tedious topic and you're not gonna read the full thing, you're planning to skim through this one anyway, so I'll try to keep it short (I said TRY). For a child this is a lot to take in, first and foremost, no child has ever opted to be nurtured in a particular way that they desire in their formative years but then still children are made to feel like burdens in the household? No one to speak to, and difficulty maintaining friendships when all you see in the world is a lot of people waiting to backstab you. You can't blame them for thinking this, that's what they grew up thinking and witnessing firsthand. 

In order to make sure you don't end up leading a dysfunctional household in the future, there are a few things you can do.  

1. Go to Therapy - If you are currently in a dysfunctional family dynamic, it can be helpful to go to family therapy to change the dynamics within the family. (It may poke a hole in your pocket, but will mend the one in your heart:)) 

2. Identify your trauma and mend relations - It is important to identify where exactly your fear lies, when you've done that, you can start mending relations starting with forgiveness for your parents.

3. Taking Responsibility - You may also show the same traits that your folks do (the apple doesn't fall far from the tree, does it?) so the key to avoiding such a situation in the future is being aware of the warning signs, being absolutely honest with yourself when you notice them, and holding yourself accountable to dealing with them when/if they arise.

My intentions are not to hurt any parent/child/individual or trigger trauma for anyone whatsoever. There is a lot that has not been covered in this article for the sake of brevity. If you'd like to read more, you can access the following websites:-

1. What is a dysfunctional family?

2. Signs, Causes, & How to Cope

By Dev Barot.